It seems like there has been so much death around lately.....
It is really easy to question God and His faithfulness when it seems like every time you turn around someone is dying, having a miscarriage, or being diagnosed with cancer, etc. At least for me the enemy has been able to sneak in and tell my that my God isn't good, and isn't faithful, and isn't able.
Well guess what. I am not believing that lie.
My God IS good.
My God IS faithful.
My God IS able.
What all the death around tells me is the end is near people. Get ready. Keep believing. Don't doubt our Lord. He is coming for His bride.
God never said that things would be easy. That we wouldn't go through hard times. He did say though that He wouldn't give us more than we could handle. So keep your head up, and keep believing that your God is good, able, and most of all faithful. Don't let the enemy sneak in and tell you He isn't those things.
He was, He IS, and He is to come.....
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Loss...
It's amazing how sometimes you're heart knows what the date is, before your head knows.
Today my beautiful daughter Brielle would be 5 months old. I honestly cannot even imagine what we would be doing right now. It's so hard for me to see other babies around that age doing what they do...smiling, rolling over, starting to eat rice cereal. It's hard. I never got that chance. I don't know if the shock just wore off, or what...but my heart has hurt a lot more than it did at first. Especially around other babies.
I definitely still feel VERY blessed that I had the privilege of getting Brielle for 4 days. Some days I wish it would have been for longer, that I would be able to experience some of those firsts that other mom's get to...but then I'm reminded that it would be harder. There would always be those moments that I would feel jipped on, no matter how long Brielle would have been on this earth.
There is a family from our church who just lost their son this morning to bacterial meningitis. He is a few years older than me. He's married, and his wife is 6 months pregnant. Part of me wants to think..well you're lucky you got the amount of time with him you did...and then the other part is like no, I think that would be harder to have 20 some (maybe 30) years with someone and then suddenly have them taken. I think what it comes down to is...it is always going to be hard no matter how much time you get with a loved one. There are always going to memories of the past and dreams of what could have been for the future.
Today my beautiful daughter Brielle would be 5 months old. I honestly cannot even imagine what we would be doing right now. It's so hard for me to see other babies around that age doing what they do...smiling, rolling over, starting to eat rice cereal. It's hard. I never got that chance. I don't know if the shock just wore off, or what...but my heart has hurt a lot more than it did at first. Especially around other babies.
I definitely still feel VERY blessed that I had the privilege of getting Brielle for 4 days. Some days I wish it would have been for longer, that I would be able to experience some of those firsts that other mom's get to...but then I'm reminded that it would be harder. There would always be those moments that I would feel jipped on, no matter how long Brielle would have been on this earth.
There is a family from our church who just lost their son this morning to bacterial meningitis. He is a few years older than me. He's married, and his wife is 6 months pregnant. Part of me wants to think..well you're lucky you got the amount of time with him you did...and then the other part is like no, I think that would be harder to have 20 some (maybe 30) years with someone and then suddenly have them taken. I think what it comes down to is...it is always going to be hard no matter how much time you get with a loved one. There are always going to memories of the past and dreams of what could have been for the future.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Reminder to myself!
I am aloud to have days where I feel a little defeated right?
I know that God loves me, that I am blessed, and that I am strong...but I can still wonder why me some days right?
What I fail to remember most of the time is this life on earth IS so temporary. When I get to heaven this life will seem so insignificant, if I'll even remember it. I cannot wait to get to heaven to see my two precious treasures in heaven.
So this is a reminder to myself:
Stephanie- You are a blessed woman who has a Father who loves you and grieves with you. You have a husband who loves you, and works so hard for you, to make you happy. You have parents who love you, who are so proud of who you are in Christ, who have taught you to seek God in everything you do. You have friends who love you, and speak truth into your life. You have 2 precious angels who love you, who are in heaven with our Heavenly Father waiting for you. And this life is not eternal. It is temporary and you will live eternal life with ALL of your children and family in Heaven soon.
I know that God loves me, that I am blessed, and that I am strong...but I can still wonder why me some days right?
What I fail to remember most of the time is this life on earth IS so temporary. When I get to heaven this life will seem so insignificant, if I'll even remember it. I cannot wait to get to heaven to see my two precious treasures in heaven.
So this is a reminder to myself:
Stephanie- You are a blessed woman who has a Father who loves you and grieves with you. You have a husband who loves you, and works so hard for you, to make you happy. You have parents who love you, who are so proud of who you are in Christ, who have taught you to seek God in everything you do. You have friends who love you, and speak truth into your life. You have 2 precious angels who love you, who are in heaven with our Heavenly Father waiting for you. And this life is not eternal. It is temporary and you will live eternal life with ALL of your children and family in Heaven soon.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Growth
Today is my anniversary of being married to my wonderful husband for 3 years. It has been THE best 3 years of my life. When we got married 3 years ago, I would have never imagined our life taking some of the twists and turns it has over the past 7 months especially.
If you look at everything we've been through..the non-christian (and maybe christian too, ha) would think that we have come across A LOT of bad luck.
-Steve gets laid off from his job while I am 8 months pregnant.
-We found out that our beautiful daughter Brielle was very sick, and actually ended up going to be with Jesus very suddenly after only being born 4 days previously.
-Steve gets in an accident and totals his car, leaving us with 1 car.
-I miscarry the same week of the accident, after finding out we were pregnant.
Ok, now some of the GOOD that has come out of this...
-If Steve hadn't got laid off he probably would have never left that job. It was comfortable for him. We get to spend LOTS more time together since he is not working nights, and now he is working for Qwest...something that probably wouldn't have happened if he had stayed at Rez.
-Brielle, in her life and death has taught me more about life, more about the Father's love, and more about God's grace than I ever would have learned had she not died. I would MUCH rather have her in my arms rather than in God's, but I'm choosing to look on the bright side.
-With Steve's accident and leaving us to one car, we are saving a lot of money on gas, and insurance. I don't have a job right now anyways, so it leaves me stranded but that's ok.
-My miscarriage. I really don't know if I will fully ever understand the question of WHY? but I have stopped asking. It will not get me anywhere. What I have decided is that I had blocked out some of my grief from Brielle dying, and with my miscarriage I was forced to deal with things that I had chosen not to deal with. I don't know when I would have dealt with some of the things I needed to with Brielle dying if I hadn't have had my miscarriage, but it is just not healthy to keep things inside and I know that I had locked things up and put on my happy face.
Those are just a few of the good things that came to mind.
I just know that I have grown a lot in the last 7 months...definitely in ways I would have never imagined happening to me. I feel blessed though. I have insight on some things at 23, that some people don't find out for years...if ever. All of the things I have gone through, have made me a better wife, a better daughter, a more "loyal" follower of Christ, and it will make me a better mother.
I am blessed that I have been able to go through this season of hardship and growth with my wonderful husband. I wouldn't choose any one else to go through this adventure (roller coaster) we call Life. Happy Anniversary babe, I love you!
If you look at everything we've been through..the non-christian (and maybe christian too, ha) would think that we have come across A LOT of bad luck.
-Steve gets laid off from his job while I am 8 months pregnant.
-We found out that our beautiful daughter Brielle was very sick, and actually ended up going to be with Jesus very suddenly after only being born 4 days previously.
-Steve gets in an accident and totals his car, leaving us with 1 car.
-I miscarry the same week of the accident, after finding out we were pregnant.
Ok, now some of the GOOD that has come out of this...
-If Steve hadn't got laid off he probably would have never left that job. It was comfortable for him. We get to spend LOTS more time together since he is not working nights, and now he is working for Qwest...something that probably wouldn't have happened if he had stayed at Rez.
-Brielle, in her life and death has taught me more about life, more about the Father's love, and more about God's grace than I ever would have learned had she not died. I would MUCH rather have her in my arms rather than in God's, but I'm choosing to look on the bright side.
-With Steve's accident and leaving us to one car, we are saving a lot of money on gas, and insurance. I don't have a job right now anyways, so it leaves me stranded but that's ok.
-My miscarriage. I really don't know if I will fully ever understand the question of WHY? but I have stopped asking. It will not get me anywhere. What I have decided is that I had blocked out some of my grief from Brielle dying, and with my miscarriage I was forced to deal with things that I had chosen not to deal with. I don't know when I would have dealt with some of the things I needed to with Brielle dying if I hadn't have had my miscarriage, but it is just not healthy to keep things inside and I know that I had locked things up and put on my happy face.
Those are just a few of the good things that came to mind.
I just know that I have grown a lot in the last 7 months...definitely in ways I would have never imagined happening to me. I feel blessed though. I have insight on some things at 23, that some people don't find out for years...if ever. All of the things I have gone through, have made me a better wife, a better daughter, a more "loyal" follower of Christ, and it will make me a better mother.
I am blessed that I have been able to go through this season of hardship and growth with my wonderful husband. I wouldn't choose any one else to go through this adventure (roller coaster) we call Life. Happy Anniversary babe, I love you!
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