Miss you Sam!

Yesterday, I woke up to a horrible phone call that I had been preparing myself for...but it took me by surprise.

My dear friend Sam Haynam went to be with Jesus. He had fought a long hard battle of Cystic Fibrosis. The last 5 months had been really tough, and he had been in the hospital since Christmas Eve. I had been praying fervently for him and his family. I knew God was the only way Sam would live. I know that God is capable of miracles...and what a testimony it would have been for God to heal him?! There is another question..why God? Why didn't you heal him? We may never know..but the truth is, Sam was a walking testimony. God won, even if He didnt heal him. Because He is more alive than ever now. He is in Heaven with his Lord, rejoicing! So I am choosing to rejoice with Heaven, and Sam. I will miss you so much though buddy, you were a joy and a delight to be around, and I am honored that I got the chance to know you and call you my friend. It makes my heart happy to know that you are with my little angels up in heaven. I love you!

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

I went to church, and it was just what I needed.It had been such a rough week. Steve got in an accident and totalled his car, then I miscarried, and then the news of Sam...I felt like I was getting hit hard. God filled me up with His love, and the healing process really started. It was really refreshing.

I am listening to this podcast that is titled Why? It is really good! I have wondered why God doesn't make the world a better place? Why is it the way it is..why do people have pain and suffering. Why did He create a world like this...BUT the truth is He did make the world a better place. God didn't want robots, that is why He gave us freewill. That is why Adam and Eve made the choice to take the apple from the Tree of Good and Evil....because they had freewill. I still don't understand WHY I am going through what I'm going through...why Sam didn't get healed...it's not like we chose to go through that, but I am counting on God to comfort me, to comfort Sam's family....but at least I know that God didn't DO IT to us. God didn't create pain and suffering, and He is with me in this pain I am going through. God Himself has experienced loss and pain and suffereing. I am not alone in what I'm feeling. God understands. That is so huge to me right now.

God is totally committed to forming something worthwhile out of the heartbreaks of life...that is the BIGGEST thing I am holding on to. Something great will come out of my pain and suffering, I know it. I do wonder...why ME? That's great, but why does my heart have to be on the table for God to be able to use me? The only thing I can think of is that I'm strong enough. God knows I can handle it. That I have a great family, great friends...a great support system to help carry me through this.

Romans 8:28--And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.