I cannot believe that my little boy is already 5 months old.
Doesn't it seem like the older we get, especially after having children, the faster time gets? It's very mixed emotions too; part of me loves watching Kayson grow up, watching him hitting all of these milestones, developing his own little personality, finding out some of the things he likes and dislikes (yes even at 5 months, is he his mom & dad's kid or what!), getting his first little 2 teeth...the list can go on. But there is also part of me that just wants to keep him tiny forever. I cannot believe how much he has changed and grown in the last 5 months. He used to fall asleep in my arms all the time, and now those are very far and in between. At his baby shower a dear friend gave us a book called "If I could keep you little..." and it is such a great reminder that we HAVE to let our little people experience life for themselves, we cannot keep them little forever. I have to read it to Kayson once a week just to remind myself that as much as I want to keep him little, I have to let him grow up and experience things. Speaking of...while I was writing this, he was sitting on his little play mat right in front of me, and pulled himself up to stand using the couch! He is getting to be such a big boy!
He has made so extremely happy. I never realized how much being a mother changed you! He is constantly teaching me about myself, and about life. I love my life being his mommy. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with that little boy!
Kayson at 5 months...
~Kayson loves to eat rice cereal and baby food! He gets it once in the morning, and once in the afternoon/evening. As soon as I put him in the high chair he starts crying/whining because he wants that food NOW! I seriously cannot shovel that food in fast enough! He can't get enough.
~He hates bananas....I mean hates them. He will gag himself to make himself throw up,but he loves peaches, pears, apples, carrots, and sweet potatoes so far. :)
~He can sit up all by himself for long periods of times now.
~He is super close to crawling, and has gone backwards a few times!
~He's really good at getting up on his hands and knees, and rocking back and forth but he hasn't quite figured out the hand coordination yet.
~As of today he can pull himself up from sitting to standing (he's done it 3 times since I started writing this...oh boy!)
~His first tooth started coming in last week, and a week later his 2nd tooth is super close to coming up.
~He got his first hair cut and did super good. He looks/acts like such a big boy now.
~Right before his first tooth started coming in, he had found his thumb. Poor kid has these giant hands though...so him trying to coordinate the rest of his fingers while his thumb is in his mouth is a bit difficult.
~He loves to be outside and sit in the grass. If he's a bit fussy, I'll take him outside and it will calm him down immediately.
~He loves playing "airplane" and flying up in the air!
~He has just recently become fascinated with reading books. He is so squirmy that it has been super hard to keep him still enough to get through even one book, but he has finally decided that it's interesting enough. :)
~He is seriously such a spunky little boy full of such personality. I think I say it everytime, but there is NO DOUBT he is Steve & I's son. I see so much of myself and Steve in him, and even though that is kind of scary, it really is amazing!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Kayson is already 4 months old!
Wow, 4 months has gone by so fast. It is unbelievable. It has been the best 4 months of my life, no doubt. My life and my heart are so full. People always say that when you have a baby, the love that you have for them is like nothing you've ever felt...and it is so true. Sometimes (ok...most every night) after giving Kayson his last bottle before bed and placing him in crib, I just stand and weep at how extremely blessed I am. I cannot believe that God chose me to be his mama. I love him more than words can say, and he has enriched my life more than anything ever has before. He is truly a delight to be around, and I am so honored to be his mom.
A few things about Kayson...not all new, but still wonderful nonetheless. :)
~He can easily roll from his back to his tummy, and his tummy to his back over and over. He loves being on his tummy, but often times gets super frustrated because he is trying so hard to crawl or move and he can't yet.
~ He has become extremely sociable with other people, and especially babies. It's been awesome to see how almost overnight he hardly had an interest in other kids, and now he can't get enough of them. He loves playing with his friend Carter. They will just lay and laugh and talk to each other all day.
~ He officially is a tummy sleeper. I know they say that you shouldn't ever let your babies sleep on their tummies but I am not going to go in and monitor it. I know some parents would get those little pillow things to block him from rolling over...but if he's comfortable on his tummy...and will sleep 11 hours...sorry I'll let him. His neck is strong enough to turn, and I do check on him. There are some things that are just out of our control...and have had lost a baby already to something that was completely out of my control...I'm not going to sweat the small stuff.
~He loves his bath time! He could seriously just sit and splash around in there forever.
~He has gotten to that age where he does not want to be left alone, or put down. We are working on this...but know/pray it's just a stage.
~He would be much happer laying down on a plain ole' blanket than an activity mat, or anything with toys. He loves those things most of the time, but he always loves to lay on a blanket and play with his toes!
~He has been trying to talk to us and tell us stories a lot lately. I cannot understand a word of it..but I know it's sure interesting.
~He has officially started eating rice cereal and seems to really like it. Sometimes a lot more than others.
~The smile he gets when his daddy walks in the room (I suppose he gets it for mommy too!) is the best thing you've ever seen.
~He loves to look at you when you're not looking and smile..and as soon as you look he'll look away (while keeping the huge grin on his face). I am pretty sure it's his way of playing peek-a-boo.
~He will be doing something over & over, but as soon as I get out the camera he will stop. I don't think he's camera shy...I just think he's a bit stubborn.
~He is fascinated with our dog, Hercules. However...Hercules isn't so fascinated with him...at least that he wants to admit. I think that if given the choice Hercules would totally sleep in Kayson's room.
~He has decided that he is a big boy and wants to drink out of mommy's cup. He is actually very good at it too...and gets incredibly upset when the water is all gone.
~He has a killer pouty face. Gets me everytime.
~He would much rather be in a diaper than clothed...
~He can sit up all by himself. Not for very long...but I know that its only a matter of time until he's a pro.
~When he's laying down or in his carseat he tries super hard to pull himself up to sitting position. He's almost done it a couple times.
~He has the most kissable and pinchable cheeks. Everyone always apologizes for squeezing them..but the truth is, he loves it!
~He LOVES to suck/chew on his pointer finger...he just cannot get enough of it! :)
A few things about Kayson...not all new, but still wonderful nonetheless. :)
~He can easily roll from his back to his tummy, and his tummy to his back over and over. He loves being on his tummy, but often times gets super frustrated because he is trying so hard to crawl or move and he can't yet.
~ He has become extremely sociable with other people, and especially babies. It's been awesome to see how almost overnight he hardly had an interest in other kids, and now he can't get enough of them. He loves playing with his friend Carter. They will just lay and laugh and talk to each other all day.
~ He officially is a tummy sleeper. I know they say that you shouldn't ever let your babies sleep on their tummies but I am not going to go in and monitor it. I know some parents would get those little pillow things to block him from rolling over...but if he's comfortable on his tummy...and will sleep 11 hours...sorry I'll let him. His neck is strong enough to turn, and I do check on him. There are some things that are just out of our control...and have had lost a baby already to something that was completely out of my control...I'm not going to sweat the small stuff.
~He loves his bath time! He could seriously just sit and splash around in there forever.
~He has gotten to that age where he does not want to be left alone, or put down. We are working on this...but know/pray it's just a stage.
~He would be much happer laying down on a plain ole' blanket than an activity mat, or anything with toys. He loves those things most of the time, but he always loves to lay on a blanket and play with his toes!
~He has been trying to talk to us and tell us stories a lot lately. I cannot understand a word of it..but I know it's sure interesting.
~He has officially started eating rice cereal and seems to really like it. Sometimes a lot more than others.
~The smile he gets when his daddy walks in the room (I suppose he gets it for mommy too!) is the best thing you've ever seen.
~He loves to look at you when you're not looking and smile..and as soon as you look he'll look away (while keeping the huge grin on his face). I am pretty sure it's his way of playing peek-a-boo.
~He will be doing something over & over, but as soon as I get out the camera he will stop. I don't think he's camera shy...I just think he's a bit stubborn.
~He is fascinated with our dog, Hercules. However...Hercules isn't so fascinated with him...at least that he wants to admit. I think that if given the choice Hercules would totally sleep in Kayson's room.
~He has decided that he is a big boy and wants to drink out of mommy's cup. He is actually very good at it too...and gets incredibly upset when the water is all gone.
~He has a killer pouty face. Gets me everytime.
~He would much rather be in a diaper than clothed...
~He can sit up all by himself. Not for very long...but I know that its only a matter of time until he's a pro.
~When he's laying down or in his carseat he tries super hard to pull himself up to sitting position. He's almost done it a couple times.
~He has the most kissable and pinchable cheeks. Everyone always apologizes for squeezing them..but the truth is, he loves it!
~He LOVES to suck/chew on his pointer finger...he just cannot get enough of it! :)
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Things I love about Kayson at 3 months
So, Kayson is now 3 1/2 months and he is growing up so fast. He is constantly learning new things and it is so fun to watch. It is so bittersweet because part of me cannot wait to see that first tooth come in, or have him eat rice cereal...but on the otherhand that means he's not the little newborn I brought home 3 1/2 months ago. He has doubled in size, and has quite the personality. He is so much like his mama it's not even funny. I love him with all of my heart. More than I ever thought possible.
Things that I love about my little guy:
~I love how he chews on his tounge.
~He has discovered how to make a clicking noise with his tounge. If any other person or child did that it would annoy me, but I can't get enough of it with Kayson (for now!)
~Sometimes when he is unsure of whether he wants to be happy or mad he'll give a happy coo/giggle mixed with a whine. It's so silly, but I just eat it up!
~I got this on video the other day and I'll post it because it so precious. We'll blow through our lips and make that bubble/gurgle sound (I have no idea how to describe it) and Kayson quickly learned how to mimic us. He just blows a bunch of spit bubbles through his lips, but it is so cute.
~He has been rolling over since he was 6 weeks from his tummy to his back, but has just recently started rolling over from his back to his belly and then back to his back again. His arm gets in the way a lot of the time, so almost looks like a contortionist trying so hard to get ALL the way over. I'll try to get a picture of it.
~He loves getting his diaper (especially poopy ones) changed. He stretches so big and just soaks it all up.
~He loves to fake cry...especially while looking in the mirror. This is SO his mama, even though I hate to admit it. I have done stuff like that my whole life. He'll watch himself fake crying in the mirror and just look at himself and stop, give a smile and/or giggle and then start again. He also fake cry's to me sometimes, and I'll just laugh and he'll start laughing.
~He is always so afraid that he's going to miss out on something (also SO like his mama!)
~He loves his sleep, and when he doesn't get enough he's not happy (and either is mom or dad!)
~He has been chewing on everything lately. He cannot seem to put enough in his mouth.
~I love when I'll be feeding him and just staring him thanking God for allowing me to be his mommy. Sometimes I really cannot believe it. But he'll get this HUGE smile on his face while he's feeding and forget what he's doing and then go crazy for the bottle again.
~ I love it when he smiles while he's sleeping.
~Lately he has been literally screaming with joy..he'll just give these little screeches over and over. I love it.
~I know it's not true, but Steve and I swear he always say's "hi." He'll coo and it sounds like "hi" all the time. We'll say hi and then he'll coo and I swear it sounds like hi. Love it!
~Whenever he spits up, he gets a huge smile on his face right after.
~ When he is sleeping he will make a "sucking" face/sound. What's funny is his daddy does the same thing in his sleep. :)
~He loves to pull the "fur" out of his stuffed animals. I worry for when Hercules (our dog) lets him get close enough to pull his hair out. Yikes.
~He loves playing peek-a-boo.
~He loves music. He "coos" along with us when we're singing to music. :)
~This little boy has a lot of hair...and HE LOVES to have it brushed. I sit him in front of the mirror in his bumbo and brush his hair and he just loves it. He loves looking at himself for one, but I do think that he loves getting pampered too!
~I love when I put him in his changing table (especially after just waking up from a nap) how he stretches and the cute little look on his face.
~When I kiss his cheek he opens his mouth really big, and when I kiss his lips he sticks his tongue out!! So funny!
I know there are many more things that I love about Kayson...because I rarely dislike anything. I feel so blessed to finally have him in my arms and I love being his mommy. He is such a happy little boy.
Things that I love about my little guy:
~I love how he chews on his tounge.
~He has discovered how to make a clicking noise with his tounge. If any other person or child did that it would annoy me, but I can't get enough of it with Kayson (for now!)
~Sometimes when he is unsure of whether he wants to be happy or mad he'll give a happy coo/giggle mixed with a whine. It's so silly, but I just eat it up!
~I got this on video the other day and I'll post it because it so precious. We'll blow through our lips and make that bubble/gurgle sound (I have no idea how to describe it) and Kayson quickly learned how to mimic us. He just blows a bunch of spit bubbles through his lips, but it is so cute.
~He has been rolling over since he was 6 weeks from his tummy to his back, but has just recently started rolling over from his back to his belly and then back to his back again. His arm gets in the way a lot of the time, so almost looks like a contortionist trying so hard to get ALL the way over. I'll try to get a picture of it.
~He loves getting his diaper (especially poopy ones) changed. He stretches so big and just soaks it all up.
~He loves to fake cry...especially while looking in the mirror. This is SO his mama, even though I hate to admit it. I have done stuff like that my whole life. He'll watch himself fake crying in the mirror and just look at himself and stop, give a smile and/or giggle and then start again. He also fake cry's to me sometimes, and I'll just laugh and he'll start laughing.
~He is always so afraid that he's going to miss out on something (also SO like his mama!)
~He loves his sleep, and when he doesn't get enough he's not happy (and either is mom or dad!)
~He has been chewing on everything lately. He cannot seem to put enough in his mouth.
~I love when I'll be feeding him and just staring him thanking God for allowing me to be his mommy. Sometimes I really cannot believe it. But he'll get this HUGE smile on his face while he's feeding and forget what he's doing and then go crazy for the bottle again.
~ I love it when he smiles while he's sleeping.
~Lately he has been literally screaming with joy..he'll just give these little screeches over and over. I love it.
~I know it's not true, but Steve and I swear he always say's "hi." He'll coo and it sounds like "hi" all the time. We'll say hi and then he'll coo and I swear it sounds like hi. Love it!
~Whenever he spits up, he gets a huge smile on his face right after.
~ When he is sleeping he will make a "sucking" face/sound. What's funny is his daddy does the same thing in his sleep. :)
~He loves to pull the "fur" out of his stuffed animals. I worry for when Hercules (our dog) lets him get close enough to pull his hair out. Yikes.
~He loves playing peek-a-boo.
~He loves music. He "coos" along with us when we're singing to music. :)
~This little boy has a lot of hair...and HE LOVES to have it brushed. I sit him in front of the mirror in his bumbo and brush his hair and he just loves it. He loves looking at himself for one, but I do think that he loves getting pampered too!
~I love when I put him in his changing table (especially after just waking up from a nap) how he stretches and the cute little look on his face.
~When I kiss his cheek he opens his mouth really big, and when I kiss his lips he sticks his tongue out!! So funny!
I know there are many more things that I love about Kayson...because I rarely dislike anything. I feel so blessed to finally have him in my arms and I love being his mommy. He is such a happy little boy.
Friday, December 24, 2010
It's a BOY!
I had written this back in December and didn't post it. Now that Kayson is here and this is in the past...I feel I can post it. Just to look back on...
Wow, it has been a long time since I've updated...I guess I haven't had much to say...either that or I just haven't had the motivation.
Well I guess to catch the blog up...I'm pregnant! I'm 23 weeks, due April 23. We just found out 2 weeks ago that it's a boy! We are naming him Kayson Kyle.
We are beyond excited to be pregnant again. It's kind of scary going into it after all that has happened. I'm realizing that through out this whole pregnancy there are new and different fears because of stories I've heard, but mostly because of personal experience. I will say though that I have had a peace about this baby from the start. I have known that this baby will be healthy, and will bring so much joy and healing to our lives and hearts. (Also a big part in why we're naming him Kayson...it means Healer!!!) I can't really explain it, other than saying I just "knew" this would be different. It wouldn't be like Brielle, and I wouldn't miscarry. I just knew. That peace has been my saving grace so far...because I felt so differently with Brielle, and even the miscarriage.
I feel so bad saying this sometimes, but it is the truth. I knew that when I was pregnant with Brielle, something was not right. I had a weird disconnection from her. I loved her of course...but not the way that a normal mother would love and attach to their unborn child. I knew that after Brielle died, but I know it even more now because of how I feel towards Kayson. I have a love that I can't describe. Seeing him for the first time on ultrasound, and hearing his heartbeat....it is the most amazing thing. It fills my heart up. I have always heard mothers talk about this love...but now I know. I have so much love for this child that I have never layed on. I have yet to hold in my arms. It's wonderful.
So, 2 weeks ago we had our ultrasound. Even with this peace I've had, it was very nerve racking for us. We were going to be taking a really good look at the heart and everything else to make sure nothing was wrong. With Brielle, at 20 weeks her heart was fully forming, sometime after 20 weeks is when the left upper chamber stopped developing. Usually at 20 weeks you should be able to tell if your baby has left ventricular hypoplasia. (I still believe that God had a plan with Brielle, and spared us finding out....for multiple reasons that we probably don't even know yet.) Anyways, even though that condition is SO rare...1 in a million....it was still kind of scary. Our doctor said that it is so rare that it was the first time he had ever seen a case like Brielle's, and it would probably be the last. Everything looked great! We have a very healthy growing boy! We will have another ultrasound at 30 weeks just to double check on everything. I'm sure going into that will be nerve racking as well...but I think so far we're in the clear to have a healthy baby! :)
Ok...so now onto the Boy part...and the heart and emotion part. I had a feeling early on that we were having a boy. And I started to prepare myself for a boy. When people would say it's a boy, or even ask me what I thought I was having...I would get really upset. This was a heart issue. I know and have said from the beginning that God knows what we need a whole lot more than I know. If I am having a boy...I know that is what I need. (That is my head!) Let me say first that I (and Steve) are soooo excited and overjoyed about Kayson. Like I said above, I love him with everything inside of me. Boy or Girl. I am happy that he is a boy...and I will get to more of that later.
Here is my heart issue.
I have had a lot of people say...I knew you were having a boy...I knew that is what you needed. And it really (if I can be honest) makes me mad, and even hurts my heart. What people don't understand is how badly I wanted a girl when I was pregnant with Brielle. I have ALWAYS wanted a girl. I would always have a girl and Ashley (my best friend who is having a boy due on Jan 1st!!) would have a boy. That is always how it would be. Now...don't get me wrong. I know a lot of people want girls and get boys or visa versa....thats not where I'm going. I HAD a girl! I had tons of pink girl clothes, cute girl shoes, adorable headbands/flowers for her hair, pink blankets, adorable pink dresses...ALL that went unused. That is hard. My nursery closet and dresser drawers were full of girl clothes. The crib was filled and covered with pink blankets. I know that having a boy is probably what I needed (and I AM excited about it) but people fail to understand what goes along with that too. Even if it's healthy to clear everything out of the nursery and start fresh, it's not easy. And to say something like that is just kind of insensitive.
No one was here a couple days ago with Steve and I packing everything away...with tears running down our faces. We had so many dreams of the little girl that was supposed to wear those clothes, and cuddle with those blankets. So don't tell me that is what I needed...because even though you may be right...you have NO clue. You have zero idea what we have been through, and zero idea how hard it was to go through the nursery.
Here is my head...and what my heart is working on.
It was GOOD and healthy and almost freeing to clean out the nursery. It was closing (not all the way) a door, and getting ready for the next chapter of our lives. That IS exciting. We in NO way want any of our children to live in a shadow of Brielle. She will always be a part of our lives, and talked about...but we want each of our children to know how special they are to us and how much we wanted THEM. We did not want this child to be a replacement (or to ever feel that way) of Brielle. It is going to be much easier to not do this with us having a boy! We know that God knows what we need and we do trust in that.
Wow, it has been a long time since I've updated...I guess I haven't had much to say...either that or I just haven't had the motivation.
Well I guess to catch the blog up...I'm pregnant! I'm 23 weeks, due April 23. We just found out 2 weeks ago that it's a boy! We are naming him Kayson Kyle.
We are beyond excited to be pregnant again. It's kind of scary going into it after all that has happened. I'm realizing that through out this whole pregnancy there are new and different fears because of stories I've heard, but mostly because of personal experience. I will say though that I have had a peace about this baby from the start. I have known that this baby will be healthy, and will bring so much joy and healing to our lives and hearts. (Also a big part in why we're naming him Kayson...it means Healer!!!) I can't really explain it, other than saying I just "knew" this would be different. It wouldn't be like Brielle, and I wouldn't miscarry. I just knew. That peace has been my saving grace so far...because I felt so differently with Brielle, and even the miscarriage.
I feel so bad saying this sometimes, but it is the truth. I knew that when I was pregnant with Brielle, something was not right. I had a weird disconnection from her. I loved her of course...but not the way that a normal mother would love and attach to their unborn child. I knew that after Brielle died, but I know it even more now because of how I feel towards Kayson. I have a love that I can't describe. Seeing him for the first time on ultrasound, and hearing his heartbeat....it is the most amazing thing. It fills my heart up. I have always heard mothers talk about this love...but now I know. I have so much love for this child that I have never layed on. I have yet to hold in my arms. It's wonderful.
So, 2 weeks ago we had our ultrasound. Even with this peace I've had, it was very nerve racking for us. We were going to be taking a really good look at the heart and everything else to make sure nothing was wrong. With Brielle, at 20 weeks her heart was fully forming, sometime after 20 weeks is when the left upper chamber stopped developing. Usually at 20 weeks you should be able to tell if your baby has left ventricular hypoplasia. (I still believe that God had a plan with Brielle, and spared us finding out....for multiple reasons that we probably don't even know yet.) Anyways, even though that condition is SO rare...1 in a million....it was still kind of scary. Our doctor said that it is so rare that it was the first time he had ever seen a case like Brielle's, and it would probably be the last. Everything looked great! We have a very healthy growing boy! We will have another ultrasound at 30 weeks just to double check on everything. I'm sure going into that will be nerve racking as well...but I think so far we're in the clear to have a healthy baby! :)
Ok...so now onto the Boy part...and the heart and emotion part. I had a feeling early on that we were having a boy. And I started to prepare myself for a boy. When people would say it's a boy, or even ask me what I thought I was having...I would get really upset. This was a heart issue. I know and have said from the beginning that God knows what we need a whole lot more than I know. If I am having a boy...I know that is what I need. (That is my head!) Let me say first that I (and Steve) are soooo excited and overjoyed about Kayson. Like I said above, I love him with everything inside of me. Boy or Girl. I am happy that he is a boy...and I will get to more of that later.
Here is my heart issue.
I have had a lot of people say...I knew you were having a boy...I knew that is what you needed. And it really (if I can be honest) makes me mad, and even hurts my heart. What people don't understand is how badly I wanted a girl when I was pregnant with Brielle. I have ALWAYS wanted a girl. I would always have a girl and Ashley (my best friend who is having a boy due on Jan 1st!!) would have a boy. That is always how it would be. Now...don't get me wrong. I know a lot of people want girls and get boys or visa versa....thats not where I'm going. I HAD a girl! I had tons of pink girl clothes, cute girl shoes, adorable headbands/flowers for her hair, pink blankets, adorable pink dresses...ALL that went unused. That is hard. My nursery closet and dresser drawers were full of girl clothes. The crib was filled and covered with pink blankets. I know that having a boy is probably what I needed (and I AM excited about it) but people fail to understand what goes along with that too. Even if it's healthy to clear everything out of the nursery and start fresh, it's not easy. And to say something like that is just kind of insensitive.
No one was here a couple days ago with Steve and I packing everything away...with tears running down our faces. We had so many dreams of the little girl that was supposed to wear those clothes, and cuddle with those blankets. So don't tell me that is what I needed...because even though you may be right...you have NO clue. You have zero idea what we have been through, and zero idea how hard it was to go through the nursery.
Here is my head...and what my heart is working on.
It was GOOD and healthy and almost freeing to clean out the nursery. It was closing (not all the way) a door, and getting ready for the next chapter of our lives. That IS exciting. We in NO way want any of our children to live in a shadow of Brielle. She will always be a part of our lives, and talked about...but we want each of our children to know how special they are to us and how much we wanted THEM. We did not want this child to be a replacement (or to ever feel that way) of Brielle. It is going to be much easier to not do this with us having a boy! We know that God knows what we need and we do trust in that.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
God IS....
It seems like there has been so much death around lately.....
It is really easy to question God and His faithfulness when it seems like every time you turn around someone is dying, having a miscarriage, or being diagnosed with cancer, etc. At least for me the enemy has been able to sneak in and tell my that my God isn't good, and isn't faithful, and isn't able.
Well guess what. I am not believing that lie.
My God IS good.
My God IS faithful.
My God IS able.
What all the death around tells me is the end is near people. Get ready. Keep believing. Don't doubt our Lord. He is coming for His bride.
God never said that things would be easy. That we wouldn't go through hard times. He did say though that He wouldn't give us more than we could handle. So keep your head up, and keep believing that your God is good, able, and most of all faithful. Don't let the enemy sneak in and tell you He isn't those things.
He was, He IS, and He is to come.....
It is really easy to question God and His faithfulness when it seems like every time you turn around someone is dying, having a miscarriage, or being diagnosed with cancer, etc. At least for me the enemy has been able to sneak in and tell my that my God isn't good, and isn't faithful, and isn't able.
Well guess what. I am not believing that lie.
My God IS good.
My God IS faithful.
My God IS able.
What all the death around tells me is the end is near people. Get ready. Keep believing. Don't doubt our Lord. He is coming for His bride.
God never said that things would be easy. That we wouldn't go through hard times. He did say though that He wouldn't give us more than we could handle. So keep your head up, and keep believing that your God is good, able, and most of all faithful. Don't let the enemy sneak in and tell you He isn't those things.
He was, He IS, and He is to come.....
Loss...
It's amazing how sometimes you're heart knows what the date is, before your head knows.
Today my beautiful daughter Brielle would be 5 months old. I honestly cannot even imagine what we would be doing right now. It's so hard for me to see other babies around that age doing what they do...smiling, rolling over, starting to eat rice cereal. It's hard. I never got that chance. I don't know if the shock just wore off, or what...but my heart has hurt a lot more than it did at first. Especially around other babies.
I definitely still feel VERY blessed that I had the privilege of getting Brielle for 4 days. Some days I wish it would have been for longer, that I would be able to experience some of those firsts that other mom's get to...but then I'm reminded that it would be harder. There would always be those moments that I would feel jipped on, no matter how long Brielle would have been on this earth.
There is a family from our church who just lost their son this morning to bacterial meningitis. He is a few years older than me. He's married, and his wife is 6 months pregnant. Part of me wants to think..well you're lucky you got the amount of time with him you did...and then the other part is like no, I think that would be harder to have 20 some (maybe 30) years with someone and then suddenly have them taken. I think what it comes down to is...it is always going to be hard no matter how much time you get with a loved one. There are always going to memories of the past and dreams of what could have been for the future.
Today my beautiful daughter Brielle would be 5 months old. I honestly cannot even imagine what we would be doing right now. It's so hard for me to see other babies around that age doing what they do...smiling, rolling over, starting to eat rice cereal. It's hard. I never got that chance. I don't know if the shock just wore off, or what...but my heart has hurt a lot more than it did at first. Especially around other babies.
I definitely still feel VERY blessed that I had the privilege of getting Brielle for 4 days. Some days I wish it would have been for longer, that I would be able to experience some of those firsts that other mom's get to...but then I'm reminded that it would be harder. There would always be those moments that I would feel jipped on, no matter how long Brielle would have been on this earth.
There is a family from our church who just lost their son this morning to bacterial meningitis. He is a few years older than me. He's married, and his wife is 6 months pregnant. Part of me wants to think..well you're lucky you got the amount of time with him you did...and then the other part is like no, I think that would be harder to have 20 some (maybe 30) years with someone and then suddenly have them taken. I think what it comes down to is...it is always going to be hard no matter how much time you get with a loved one. There are always going to memories of the past and dreams of what could have been for the future.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Reminder to myself!
I am aloud to have days where I feel a little defeated right?
I know that God loves me, that I am blessed, and that I am strong...but I can still wonder why me some days right?
What I fail to remember most of the time is this life on earth IS so temporary. When I get to heaven this life will seem so insignificant, if I'll even remember it. I cannot wait to get to heaven to see my two precious treasures in heaven.
So this is a reminder to myself:
Stephanie- You are a blessed woman who has a Father who loves you and grieves with you. You have a husband who loves you, and works so hard for you, to make you happy. You have parents who love you, who are so proud of who you are in Christ, who have taught you to seek God in everything you do. You have friends who love you, and speak truth into your life. You have 2 precious angels who love you, who are in heaven with our Heavenly Father waiting for you. And this life is not eternal. It is temporary and you will live eternal life with ALL of your children and family in Heaven soon.
I know that God loves me, that I am blessed, and that I am strong...but I can still wonder why me some days right?
What I fail to remember most of the time is this life on earth IS so temporary. When I get to heaven this life will seem so insignificant, if I'll even remember it. I cannot wait to get to heaven to see my two precious treasures in heaven.
So this is a reminder to myself:
Stephanie- You are a blessed woman who has a Father who loves you and grieves with you. You have a husband who loves you, and works so hard for you, to make you happy. You have parents who love you, who are so proud of who you are in Christ, who have taught you to seek God in everything you do. You have friends who love you, and speak truth into your life. You have 2 precious angels who love you, who are in heaven with our Heavenly Father waiting for you. And this life is not eternal. It is temporary and you will live eternal life with ALL of your children and family in Heaven soon.
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