Loss...

It's amazing how sometimes you're heart knows what the date is, before your head knows.
Today my beautiful daughter Brielle would be 5 months old. I honestly cannot even imagine what we would be doing right now. It's so hard for me to see other babies around that age doing what they do...smiling, rolling over, starting to eat rice cereal. It's hard. I never got that chance. I don't know if the shock just wore off, or what...but my heart has hurt a lot more than it did at first. Especially around other babies.

I definitely still feel VERY blessed that I had the privilege of getting Brielle for 4 days. Some days I wish it would have been for longer, that I would be able to experience some of those firsts that other mom's get to...but then I'm reminded that it would be harder. There would always be those moments that I would feel jipped on, no matter how long Brielle would have been on this earth.

There is a family from our church who just lost their son this morning to bacterial meningitis. He is a few years older than me. He's married, and his wife is 6 months pregnant. Part of me wants to think..well you're lucky you got the amount of time with him you did...and then the other part is like no, I think that would be harder to have 20 some (maybe 30) years with someone and then suddenly have them taken. I think what it comes down to is...it is always going to be hard no matter how much time you get with a loved one. There are always going to memories of the past and dreams of what could have been for the future.